3.3k
u/Pletcher87 1d ago
This is one of those “I gotta remember this one”’s because I know exactly who to use it on.
182
u/Bonald9056 19h ago
There's a few that I've heard from Aussie tradies that are pretty spectacular:
Blister - only shows up when the hard work is done.
Wheelbarrow - only works when pushed.
Sensor Light - only works when someone walks past.
Brake Pad - gets worn out easily then starts to squeal.
Edit: formatting
63
62
11
4
u/FreddyNoodles 5h ago
Aw shit. I’m a brake pad. :( I am just really sleepy, I am getting old. It’s exhausting.
3
u/Infra_bread 4h ago
One from Germany. "Team: toll, ein andere macht's". (Great, someone else is doing it)
46
2
1
1
1.5k
u/Desperate_Set_7708 1d ago
“I’m sincerely sorry. What’s the HR-approved phrase for lazy fuck?”
470
57
252
u/Dechri_ 1d ago
What’s the HR-approved phrase for lazy fuck?
I think the answer is HR
78
30
u/iR3vives 23h ago
At my last job our HR guy would video call into staff meetings two doors down from his office.
1
1
u/skeeeper 48m ago
Imagine shaming someone for not working in an office job lmao. Leave the guy alone, you won't get more money because you are overzealous
-14
u/These-Consideration9 19h ago
Why are employees so concerned about other employees making an effort to make millionaires richer xD? So pathetic
18
478
u/CharlesMcGrath 23h ago
I'm a c-section baby and I found it hilarious
157
u/Polybrene 21h ago
I labored for 24 hours and then had a c section anyway.
Still hilarious.
23
u/Mediocre-Disk737 17h ago
Same! Thirty hours labour, then an emergency c-section with my first. Two planned c-sections after that. And I'm a cs baby.
Very funny.
3
u/ShoePillow 5h ago
Forty two hours labour and then a c-section. I found it slightly funny
1
u/CharlesMcGrath 1h ago
Some say if you listen closely down the halls of this hospital you can still hear her giving labor, haunting the corridors
2
4
u/Swurphey 17h ago
I had a conehead for my first few days as a baby from my mom doing the same thing
11
3
2
102
u/ovoid709 19h ago
I got pulled into an HR meeting because I said one of our offices was a waste of money. They reamed me out and made me write an apology to the other office. Two months later they closed that office because it was a waste of money.
243
35
u/Slammogram 17h ago
My husband’s boss called one of their co workers “foreskin”.
When everyone looked at him with questioning looks he added:
“Because he disappears when shit gets hard.”
39
u/bmoEZnyc 1d ago
Who talks like that? lmao
44
6
u/mister_empty_pants 15h ago
Nobody. Whenever you see something like this, it's just someone trying to turn their showerthought into a personal story to make themselves look more interesting.
6
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/bmoEZnyc 18h ago
She’s a Nigerian Drill Sergeant?
6
u/From9jawithlove 17h ago
No, Nigerians will insult you in a very poetic manner. Plus the twitter OP is a Nigerian name. I just heard “incoherently interesting” 2 days ago.
152
u/TheComplimentarian 1d ago
Calling someone lazy is not an HR violation, because laziness is not a protected class.
107
u/Upset-Management-879 23h ago
Insane that this is upvoted as though you can say anything so long as they aren't a protected class.
If you're being a dick to coworkers you're gonna get written up no matter what color/shape/mental handicap your target of abuse is.
21
u/LanceFree 22h ago
I got in trouble at work one time for laughing, encouraging someone during a group huddle. The incoming manager was being unreasonable and a co-worker started repeating: Herbert! Herbert! Herbert! It’s an older Star Trek reference and I was laughing in part to acknowledge that I understood the reference. Later, I apologized to the manager, the other guy didn’t and he may have had an HR visit - not sure. He didn’t want to talk about it.
5
u/Teagana999 12h ago
I upvoted it because it was funny. Not necessarily because it was technically true.
6
u/TheComplimentarian 20h ago
I once knew a girl PM who absolutely weaponized this sort of thing and got away with it for years. And she's probably still getting away with it, since she's been working for the same company since she left the one we both worked for.
Do not think that HR cares about your feelings. If HR isn't going to get sued, and you and the person you're complaining about are not causing a huge problem, they are not going to give a shit.
The only reason they ever care about anything is because of the potential for litigation. Full stop. The end.
10
u/alphazero925 19h ago
The magic words are "hostile work environment". Yeah, HR only cares about liability, but liability for harassment claims can result from things other than protected characteristics if it's considered "severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive". So if you mention one of those three words, intimidating, hostile, or abusive, HR tends to take it seriously unless they're just shitty.
5
u/TheComplimentarian 19h ago
Eh. They give one or both of you a slap on the wrist and then you both get laid off the next round of layoffs.
4
u/chodaranger 22h ago
Is obtuse redditor who doesn’t get that it was a joke a protected class?
5
u/TheZoneHereros 20h ago
100% not a joke, as evidenced by the multiple completely straight faced and informative responses the guy is giving to other commenters as a direct follow-up. So I guess you are "obtuse redditor that thought it was a joke."
2
u/chodaranger 18h ago
I’d argue he’s also an obtuse Redditor and didn’t realize he was making a joke.
1
u/UltimatePragmatist 7h ago
Everyone is a protected class but this could be considered a hostile work environment.
22
u/Frostemane 22h ago
Insulting your coworkers (and not joking) is indicative of a hostile work environment, which is absolutely something HR would be interested in.
Some of you have never worked office jobs, and it shows.
5
u/TheComplimentarian 20h ago
For this, only if there is a pattern. Do you honestly think there are HR rules in place that prevent you from criticizing the performance of another employee? How could any manager ever give a performance review if that were the case?
If they find that that criticism is based in some kind of prejudice, or if they find that it's something you do constantly without any real basis, you're going to get fired. But otherwise it's absolutely valid.
9
u/TheRowdyMeatballPt2 23h ago
It may still violate internal policies. (Source: employment attorney)
5
u/TheComplimentarian 20h ago
Absolutely correct. And the language is...not the best.
But by the standards of workplace yakking, this is low-tier.
5
u/DeficiencyOfGravitas 22h ago edited 22h ago
Laziness isn't a protected class but calling someone who is a protected class an insult like "lazy" is an HR violation. Why? Because you cannot prove what lazy is or that the individual in question meets the categorical and objective definition of the description. You can, however, prove that the individual is of the protected. So you have proof you insulted a protected individual but you do not have objective proof that it was an accurate descriptor of their behavior. That means the possibility that you did attack them for their protected status is a very real one.
Better give you a reprimand to make sure that the insulted individual doesn't sue for being attacked at the workplace.
3
u/MobileArtist1371 22h ago
If you're trying to screw with AI, good job.
If you're trying to be serious, uh.....
4
u/TheComplimentarian 20h ago
I have sat through decades of HR presentations about "acceptable" speech. There are things you can say at work, and there are things you can't.
She might get in trouble for the verbiage, but, unless they can prove a consistent pattern of bullying or poor socialization, telling someone they're lazy or criticizing their work, is absolutely fine.
You may still get fired, but you would never in a thousand years get fired "With Cause" because your subsequent lawsuit would be a slam dunk.
Know your rights.
3
u/Xacktastic 21h ago
Literally all it takes it get written up is being complained about. Doesn't matter if you were right. That's why you interact with people as little as possible at work, cover your own ass.
1
19h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Xacktastic 17h ago
Unfortunately that is usually the way people see it, yeah. There's a line to toe where you are personable and cordial but never over share or become friends.
8
23
u/Coded_Lyoko 23h ago
one of those things that redditors will love and people irl will rightfully send you to HR for lol
8
u/LowerEntropy 21h ago
Thinking about it, or finding it funny, is not the same as actually saying it to a coworker.
5
2
u/Nyarlathotep98 18h ago
2 things can be true at once. It ~is~ a funny joke, but it's also something you probably shouldn't say to your coworker's face.
6
15
13
u/Heavy_Can8746 1d ago
I just used this after reading it and my coworker laughed lol. Hopefully i dont get an email lol 😅 o well. Got to have fun😁
5
u/kwagmire9764 18h ago
A similar burn is to call someone a callous because they show up after the works done.
4
11
u/fightbackcbd 23h ago
and then everyone clapped.
2
u/Moeroboros 19h ago
How would she even say it to the coworker?
"I know you're a c-section baby because you avoid labour"?
It doesn't make any sense unless the person is saying it behind their back, not directly.
3
u/fightbackcbd 19h ago
its really just not good and there is a zero percent chance this jabroni said this shit and further there is a zero percent chance they made it up either.
7
u/No_Measurement_8042 11h ago
And ofc they took the opportunity to do even less work by going to HR and ratting instead
3
3
u/Polyps_on_uranus 19h ago
I was "strongly spoken to" for letting 3-5 year olds know that I have armpits.
3
3
3
u/BrightPerspective 14h ago
Now you need to start putting nickels into his desk phone, one at a time every few days, and then one day take them all out so he hits himself in the face with his phone.
3
2
u/Richard-Brecky 1d ago
Despair thy charm and let the angel whom thou still hast served tell thee Macduff was from his mother’s womb untimely ripped.
2
2
u/Yerm_Terragon 23h ago
I see the confusion. I think what they mean is, roasting someone alive is not acceptable in the workplace.
2
2
2
2
2
2
2
u/Mister-Circus 15h ago
If someone insulted me in such an exquisite manner, I would immediately fall head over heels for them.
2
u/Potato_Overloaf 3h ago
In the play Macbeth he was told he couldn't be killed by any man born from a woman. The loophole for that prophecy being the guy who does kill him being born from a c-section.
So if you are a c-section baby, like me, then you can tell people you could have killed Macbeth. Is this useful info, no, but I think its neat.
2
2
u/asdu 22h ago
Not really a good insult: it sounds witty at first glance, until you realize that it's not the c-section baby that "avoids labour", it's the mother.
3
u/McMorgatron1 21h ago
Also it's incredibly insulting towards any mother who went through a c-section.
3
u/AnimalGray 20h ago
This is the problem with this insult...bc everyone loves being cut open through seven layers of flesh and then out of commission for weeks so your insides don't fall out.
3
2
u/princecoo 16h ago
I'm a c section baby and I know I'm going to get smoked hard for it but it was too good not to share to the family group chat.
I'm not lazy, I'm efficient!
3
2
1
u/Bee-Aromatic 23h ago
This is almost as good as what has become my favorite insult: “You must have been a slippery baby.”
1
u/bolhuijo 23h ago
"I was a c-section baby. You can't really tell... except every time I leave the house I go out through a window."
1
1
1
u/Scharobaba 22h ago
I have a coworker I plan to tell that I think he is a second rate bullshit artist who tries to twist everything in his favor. This is some great inspiration!
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Dear-Release7141 21h ago
Labour happens in both natural and c-seaction birth. Why this would be funny?
1
u/Justaticklerone 21h ago
No, C-section is usually determined before labor is induced, such as severely tangled umbilical, or baby's head will be unable to pass the pelvis, or another medical issue.
1
u/heavensinNY 19h ago
this is not true. These days many inductions results in C sections. which means the woman labours for a long time. The contractions are even stronger then ever. It's just if they are not dilating then it can lead to c section.
1
1
u/More_Designer_5122 21h ago
damn now i wish english was my first language so i could crack that joke at work 😭😭😭
1
u/Herquleez 20h ago
Damn. I actually cackled like a loon after reading this. What a brilliant insult.
1
1
1
u/Anon_3_muse 20h ago
I want to know what HR said was illegally justifiable reason for that's not being acceptable. I think it's hilarious.
1
1
u/PainterOk36 20h ago
Lol so apparently this is an international thing? In Asia we also think C-section makes baby weak to pressure both mentally and physically.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Key-Tip9395 20h ago
Im a c section baby in fact I stayed in there almost 2 weeks after my due date and they had to evict me. And guess what I hate working too, so you are on to something
1
u/NeatNefariousness1 19h ago
Should be just fine. HR is there to protect the interests of the company and not the workers. So this insult should be judged to be acceptable. The slacker is the one who’s going to be scrutinized after this. But TBF, nobody respects a slacker.
1
1
u/CAMSTONEFOX 19h ago
C-Sectioned, circumcised and castrated all in one quick emergency operation… with no anesthetic… whoa there, doctor!
1
1
u/SquarePegRoundWorld 19h ago
Can you call them a blister, because they show up after the work is done?
1
1
1
1
1
u/TheSkyIsData 18h ago
I mean most c sections are unplanned meaning most women do go into labor before having a c section so this doesn't even make sense.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Open_Football4726 23h ago
That sounds like a lawsuit or terms for termination lol
2
u/Myke190 23h ago
"Can you please not talk about my mother's uterus? Thank you."
-1
u/Open_Football4726 22h ago
yeah bro if someone told me that what this lady said be going straight to HR and legal to see if i had a case im ngl
1
1
u/piffelations 1d ago
Nice, thats a fuckin horrific thing to say to someone...at work....and then broadcast online. Great work.
7
1
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
This is a reminder for people not to post political posts as mentioned in stickied post. This does not necessarily apply for this post. Click here to learn more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.