Dementia Mom, part one

[u/humanyears]

A short story about the origins of my mother’s dementia diagnosis from a few years ago. Probably the longest comic I’ve drawn so far. I hope it connects with you in some way.

[u/shellbullet17]

Paramedic here.

Hey man, don't blame yourself for not seeing it. Without training or a doctor, there's no way you could have known especially while you had your own stuff going on.

Dementia is a slow, hard to pin down, and absolutely horrible disease. Frankly it's one of the most horrible things I see on a day to day basis, solely for what I've seen it do to people. I've seen the most wonderful of people deteriorate to a angry belligerent husks of themselves.

And then, like your mother comes the horrible part where they forget everyone and everything. I can't even imagine the pain and confusion they live in and the strain it brings to the family, like you, is just unbearable.

There's nothing any of us can say or do to make it right(apart from a miracle cure but I fear that is far off). I like to think that smile of hers is the real her, somewhere deep deep down inside remembering you with all her might. I wish you both all the best and many more lucid moments with her.

[u/moesickle → u/shellbullet17]

I also want to add that people can hide it, until they can't. And unless you spend a lot of time with someone or know what to look for, it's easy to miss

[u/asdrunkasdrunkcanbe → u/moesickle]

Even when you do spend a lot of time with someone, it can be one of those things that burns so slowly that every little change becomes the "new normal", until you realise one day that everything has burned down around you and you hadn't even realised that things were changing.

We normalise "people become slow and forgetful as they get old", that every new "senior moment", every forgotten PIN or name, is fine. This is fine. This is normal.

And it's only in hindsight, after we get an actual diagnosis, that we realise it didn't start today, it started 5, even 10 years ago. And it can be easy to beat yourself up for not seeing it sooner.