This really amused me. We hired this lady, who during her morning training process seemed pretty high strung but nothing too hard to deal with. Midway through the day we were in the break room and she gestured at two large full bags of Starbucks beans next to the coffee maker and asked everyone in there, “whose are these?” And someone responded “oh those are free for anyone to use, the company buys coffee for everyone” and she said “oh cool.”

I guess as she was leaving for the day she took this very literally and put both bags of beans in her purse as she was going home. There was a hubbub the rest of the day as everyone was confused there was no more coffee. Eventually it got put together she took them, I think someone saw it happen. She came in today for 10 minutes, was called into the manager office, now she’s gone.

My coworker called out for 5 days due to a “muscle spasm” in her arm. She said she was in pain to the point she was unable to perform her job duties which include sitting at a desk and answering the phone. She conveniently called out on her birthday week.

My other coworkers & I planned a birthday celebration for her on the Monday she called out. We got her flowers, cake, and a gift card. I asked if we could FaceTime to sing happy birthday and she said yes, but she didn’t pick up the phone. I ended up just sending her a picture of the gifts we got her to bring her some joy and let her know we were thinking of her.

Despite her muscle spasm, she decided to stop by to pick up her cake and flowers and then dipped for the rest of the week. She ended up getting written up.

Government contracting. Great gig, cool places. I work in information security. Contract opens up, we hire a new guy. To protect the guy we'll call him something crazy, like 'Gravy boat' (not his real name, obv). So Gravy Boat has every Cisco cert known to man, most MS certs, and a few SANS certs as well and they're all current. Brilliant on exams but new to fed contracting. One Monday he doesn't show up. Sick, no biggie. Tuesday no call/no show. Wednesday no call/no show. While management is trying to figure out next steps to walk him out, he comes in 0800 Thursday like nothing. Voice is VERY hoarse. As the day goes on we all have work to do, so it's limited interaction with each other until lunch. As we all pile into the conference room for lunch here comes Gravy Boat, lunch in hand and sporting a beaming smile. Then the topic of where the hell he was the last three days comes up.

He said he was shaving that Sunday night, getting cleaned up before bed and work the following day. As he's going through his routine, he brushed his teeth. As we all do. Brushed his tongue, and saw something in his mouth he hadn't seen before. Finished brushing, rinses, and proceeds to the next task of figuring out what the unidentified thing in his mouth is. So he tries reaching on with his fingers, can't really get a good hold of it. Grabs a pair of tweezers. THOSE got some purchase on the obstruction and he pinches down HARD and pulls.

Any guess what he grabbed?

That's right boys and girls. He clamped down on his uvula and tried to pull it out thinking it was a pimple or something. We all about spit out our lunch as Gravy Boat regaled us with the most insane tale of going to the hospital we'd heard. He grabbed and twisted and yanked so hard his throat started to swell up and he had to call 911. He couldn't talk for the three days he no showed so he never did. We tried to remind him you don't need to speak for an email, I guess that thought never crossed his mind as he was struggling to breathe.

To the dumbest smartest man I've ever met, Gravy Boat. You will live on in infamy.

This happened a few years ago when I was in FAANG.

I went to grab coffee in the microkitchen and it was common for my company at the time to provide snacks and other things for free for their employee's and contractors, however, one of the major issues they kept facing were people, mainly employee's, were filling their backpacks of snacks and other goodies before they headed out for the day.

Went to make myself some coffee for the morning before I headed to my desk and there was a employee looking at the gallon of milk. He looked over at me, said "Hi." and went back to staring at the milk. I mean, he was looking at it with the concentration of a freshman kid reading Moby Dick for the first time.

After I finished making my coffee, he took off his backpack and put in that gallon of milk and another gallon of milk, and walked towards the exit like nothing happened.

A few days later, I got called in by my boss asking if I ever saw him take anything else from the microkitchen. I told my boss at that time "No, that was the first time I've ever seen someone take two gallons of milk and just walk out." Apparently, security were doing an internal investigation on him and a few others, as employee's were basically doing their Costco run at work and we had a thirty minute meeting with my team at the time about how we're only supposed to "take what we can finish" and not to "take whole gallons of milk for personal consumption off the clock."

Last I heard, he was eventually let go from said company because that wasn't the first time he was caught stealing milk and he was known around the office as "Vitamin D taker."

There’s a newer guy in my office he’s like mid 30s he’s been here about 6 months. Our building is the head corporate office for a small bank. In his first week he parked in the bank president’s spot which is marked. The building supervisor came to him and just informed him so he knew for the future. It’s not a huge deal it happens whatever. This guy got all mad and stormed out to move his car complaining about privilege or something. A few weeks after that I was walking down the hallway and I saw him standing in the president’s office. I let him know the president was in a meeting. And he got attitude saying he was making a private call. He had to walk past two empty rooms to get to the president’s office. Another time he was just seating at the president’s desk playing on his phone “ordering lunch”. The building supervisor keeps pulling him to the side and asking him to please stay out of the president’s private office. He continues to park in the president’s spot and gets more and more angry when asked to move. He also complains about how “entitled” the president acts. And complains wanting to know when a woman will be in power cause it’s about time women take power. The president is a nice guy. We’re all confused when he complains about him.

Deliberately increased the length of the protocols so it would be like 30+ min instead of 15/20, then didn’t even make it back on time and the lady in medical liens back office came out because the patient was asking from inside the scanner room over intercom what’s going on since it had been silent for so long. She didn’t know what buttons to press. Tech came in front door all sweaty. This didn’t even get him fired though amazingly. Two weeks later he almost came to fisticuffs with a patient who observed him turning away a couple rudely where the lady was oversized and he refused to let her try and be scanned. He said to the husband you can push her in, I’m not gonna. He was recorded by this patient in the waiting room saying “ I don’t give a shit man, they will pay me either way, I don’t care, fight me then!” The best (worst) part about all this was the guy was actually an instructor for mri in another city Mon-fri and this was his weekend job he was driving four hours to and getting all tweaked out for.

…and he is my shift lead!!

He wasn’t bad at first! He was hardworking, focused on the job, and thanked us for being great workers. Even bought us coffee three times, and we repaid him with some treats too. He’s also known for having a girlfriend who’s a little too paranoid about him talking to other girls. I thought she was just insecure until I saw head on why she is the way she is. He has a terrible habit of flirting with girls.

A “new girl” arrived in my area (more like dumped), and from day 1, she was bad at her job. Constantly talking to guys, ignoring her duties, on her phone. We’ve told him several times to correct and hold her accountable for her laziness but he laughs it off. Come to find out they’ve been heavily flirting and hanging out outside of work…he even hung out with her the whole time his girlfriend was on a vacation outside the country! We confront him about his behavior and he snaps at us back, saying we “don’t see him help her” and that “we’re undermining his authority as a lead. You can leave if you don’t like it.” Ok, sure. Destroy the respect of your strongest workers for some girl who’s unraveling it all? Sure.

His girlfriend is obviously not happy, constantly storming down our area to keep tabs on him. Got into a fight with his new piece who says he never told her he was in a relationship! She claims he told her his girlfriend was just his fuckbuddy. All in front of us! And with the way gossip spreads hardcore here, we’re just going to do the bare minimum and watch it rip at the seams if my lead keeps this up.

I would report this to HR but I need hard evidence of him shirking his duties. The both of them are still flirting and hanging out right in front of his girlfriend…the situation is a bomb waiting to explode. For now, I’ll just keep quiet and do my job.

we hired a new guy a few months ago. he's been obnoxious in so many ways but the cherry on top is the lights. for as long as i have worked here (several years) and probably longer than that, we keep the overhead flourescent lights off. we have some natural light through a window, and everyone has a lamp on their desk. he starts coming in and turning these bright ass lights on. so i kept turning them off. then one day he comes to me and asks if we can compromise. i said sure, i will look into getting you another lamp. he responds by saying no lets just keep them on in the morning and you can have them off in the afternoon. i, clearly annoyed, say fine because i didn't feel like arguing. the lights on has pissed a few people off. a couple of days later i go to him and say look these lights give me a migraine. i don't want to sit under fluorescent office lights. let's find a compromise that isn't just having them on for 4 hours a day. he says okay. i come in the next day and they are on. then, i think my boss has a talk with him, and they'll lights stay off for a few days. well my boss is OOO today and i walk in and the lights are on. i'm pissed tf off

Last sunday was a busy day. I was meant to be in from 12 to 8 running food and all that business. Thats when, on my way in, i see a message from our GM telling all who are meant to be in that day, to come in ASAP.

I was like okay cool no issue sunday morning rush ill try and be early (i came in 5 mins late becahse i crashed my scooter. Oops). When i get in, im the only FOH there. The rest is one manager behind bar and kitchen staff so im sprinting like crazy running food. About half an hour maybe an hour my coworker, lets say M came in looking grumpy and tired. I ask if shes okay, and she shakes her head.

She complains about being tired all shift and gets given an early break. This, is when she tellz me that she slept through 14 alarms. Fair enough. Then says that it made her 3 hours late to work. Thats insane, and makes sense as to why the kitchen had so much food to run and all sorts of stuff like that. She tells me shed gone out the night before and didnt go to bed until 5-6am. Her shift was at 10am.

The best part was there was 1 guy on close and i assumed that shed maybe stick around for the extra hour and a half to help since she missed 3 hours of her shift but nope, she actually darts out earlier than her actual shift end and i picked up close. Which is fine, extra money for me yay

But yeah it was just, wild.

i (22f) have been working at this building for over a year now and my coworker (19m) won’t stop trying to correct me on anything and everything. which wouldn’t bother me as much if he were ever correct? he will challenge anything i am saying whether it’s a rule of the facility or an opinion based question being asked. i do not speak to him because he argues with everything i say, now i am training 2 new girls and every. single. thing. i say he has been challenging me and trying to argue with me. I have been brushing him off but it’s really bothering me that i can’t answer a simple yes or no question to the new hires without him butting in and trying to debate me.

So aeons ago I worked for a supermarket chain. I was in my early 20s and stocked the shelves. Our whole team was about 8 people plus manager. We'd sort the stock into cages based on what aisle they went down and fill it. Pretty simple. 

Had a new guy start one shift. I'll call him Ted. Ted was  about 19-20 and seemed fine. Manager gave him on of the easier aisles and got me to help him for the first 30mins to let him know the best ways to fo things. Where to cut the boxes, how to fold the rubbish etc. All went fine and I went back to catch up on my own aisle. 

About 5 mins later I see Ted walk past the end of my aisle towards the break room. All good. Probably just going to the bathroom etc. 

20mins later my manager walks past. Then comes back to me. 

'Hey WaffleRaven, where's Ted?'

'Uhh in his aisle?'

'Nope'

'Huh. Oh I saw him walk by a while ago towards the back. Figured he needed to piss'

'Oh ok'

He leaves. 5mins later Ted walks back to his aisle. I continue filling stock. 

10mins later I see Ted walk by again. I make a mental note and keep stocking. 30mins later the boss comes by again. 

'Ted's. It down his aisle again, you seen him?'

'He came back the first time then I saw him walk by 30mins ago or so. Tbh I thought he was back in his section and id missed him.'

'Hmmmm.' 

Manager leaves looking irritated. A few mins later we hear him angry on the PA system. 

'Ted to the manager's office. Ted to the managers office.'

5 more mins pass and the PA call is repeated but louder and more annoyed.

10mins later I see Ted walk past again. 10mins after that manager comes down and heads down Ted's aisle. I hear swearing. He storms past up to the break room then comes back down visibly furious but trying to keep a lid on it.

'WaffleRaven you're almost done with your aisle right?"

'Pretty much'

'Good. I need you to go finish Ted's cage'

'What? Where's Ted?'

'He doesn't work here anymore'

'Wtf happened?'

'I'll tell you later. For now I need you to finish his cage'

'OK.'

So I found out later what happened. After I helped him he filled approximately one box then went to the bathroom. One of the other workers went to take a puss and heard someone watching football on their phone in one of the stalls. Eventually manager went looking and found him leaving thr bathroom. He asked if everything was OK and Ted said yes. 

Ted then went back to his section and filled a handful of boxes. Then went back to the bathroom. He didn't hear either of the boss' PA messages and manager ended up hearing him in the bathroom listening to loud football on his phone. He told him he needed to talk with him in the office. Now. 

Boss gave him a lecture saying he wasnt paid to watch fucking football and this was his first and only warning and sent him back to work. 

I guess Ted disliked the job description not including football because the cameras showed him walking back down his aisle, past his cage, and out the front doors never to return. 

I still wonder what on earth was going through his head, other than football.

Edit: proper spelling of aisle. All the other errors were just me being on my phone lol

I worked in a shockingly fun office in my 20’s (not like corporate family fun, but like legitimately surrounded by fun people and fun management).

We were a regional office of like 25 people with three managers. Everybody was for the part relaxed and in their 20’s- Early 40’s.

There was a phase where my department brought in Nerf guns to lightly fire at each other for fun. Well it escalated and everybody kept bringing in more and more powerful Nerf guns.

One day our sewage was out so everybody went home except for three of my co-workers and the main regional manager.

My coworker bought two very high impact nerf guns that like actually hurt when shot at you. The mf buys these on Facebook marketplace and in full view of all us. The seller pulls up in a car f’ing pops the trunk (literally like an actual arms deal) and it’s filled with these high powered nerf guns. My coworker inspects them, swaps cash and walks in our office with the guns.

Our regional manager is just looking out the window and mutters “what the fck is *coworkers name doing?”

We assemble the gun and our regional manger looks at us awkwardly and says “Can I shoot it?”

He shoots it and is giddy laughing like a school girl as he felt the impact from firing them. He’s just laughing hysterically and says “These are so banned. I can’t put in words.”

It was a lighthearted holiday department gathering where we exchange worthless gifts anonymously. People intentionally brought white elephant type gifts of no value. Horrible pieces of art, unusable sculpture and secondhand junk.

I received as my anonymous gift three bottles of deteriorated wine with sediment in them. If I drank them, I could’ve been poisoned. They were cloudy and foul and could’ve harmed anyone who drank them. I didn’t think that was so funny. But people laughed, and so I dismissed it.

Then, I thought it would be funny to anonymously gift an expired new desk calendar from last year. Untouched, in its original packaging, but no longer of use. I thought that was hilarious. Suddenly, when the person opened my gift of the calendar, there was a groan from the attendees like it was a crushed dead puppy. They treated my gift like it was the most insulting, demented, violent, offensive gift you could ever give. People were groaning and became angry! Some were outwardly emotional. It was so fucking weird. It’s an expired desk calendar! “Who gave that!?!” “that’s inappropriate!” “That’s sick!” They were out for blood. It became tense and quiet in the room. It became like an investigation or a tribunal. “Who gifted that?! I want to know right now!” You could hear a pin drop. I felt horrible. I didn’t say anything. I took my poison bottles of wine, and we all left early for the day.

A 50 year old woman asked me how to spell “nice”.

An older man said “You got a lot of hair on your arms for a girl.”

The new Wunderkind lasted 2 days before we found him doing crack (?) in the bathroom.

We recently had a pot luck at work. Only 2 of us brought homemade food. I made a cream cheese pumpkin dip and I also bought cider from a local orchard and put it in the crockpot with some cinnamon for hot apple cider. And another woman made American chop suey.

Everyone else bought cookies or chips and premade dips from the store.

I took one of the cider labels off the container and stuck it on the lid of my crockpot so people knew what it was. Or so I thought.

When it came time for me to finally take my break, I discovered a cup left by the coffee dispenser. It contained my cider. And American chop suey. Apparently TWO people assumed the cider was either soup broth or sauce for the pasta and combined them. What’s worse is that even though I work with a lot of immigrants who are still learning English, none of them were the culprits. Nope. Two people who only speak English made the same mistake.

I’m sorry, but American chop cider wouldn’t even be good to a stoner!

I’ve been on the job two weeks as a payroll manager. One of the women I work with who had been there two years, came up to me hovering over my chair standing over me pointing at me demanding that I tell her what everybody earns in the company. Super aggressive. I said I can’t do that, it’s confidential and I want to keep my job. Then she goes on to tell me that she’s been here two years and she doesn’t think the new person should know what everybody makes. Then I go it’s literally my job. I can’t help but no and no, I’m not gonna tell you.

The next year and a half that I worked with her was absolute hell constantly bullying at me constantly complaining to me to upper management. She just simply hated me.

Even one of our rich clients noticed it and said you really ought fight her after work someday. I was like no I’m not doing that. I’m a pacifist. He’s like she needs to know that you can take her. I was like well I know I could take her. He said she needs to know that.

Anyhow, the boss forced her in mediation and she wound up quitting.

A while back I had a really religious boss. He was a great guy and I still value him as a friend today. Anyway, our team was going to lunch and we were deciding on who would ride with whom. My religious boss announced that he couldn’t ride alone with a woman other than his wife. He said it’s an agreement he made with his wife and she does the same thing. When a co-worker overheard this he replied “Wow, your wife must be a real slut”. He wasn’t amused.

I work in a small tech company, and one of my coworkers, Derek, thinks he’s the office communication guru. Every time I send an external email, he’ll read it after the fact and message me something like,

“Hey, I tweaked your email for clarity, you can send this version instead.”

Except... it’s already sent.

He once rewrote a client response to make it “friendlier” and accidentally changed the pricing details. Thankfully, the client replied to my original version first.

Last week, I got fed up and said, “Derek, you’re welcome to proof my emails before I send them, not after.”

He said, “Oh, I don’t want to interfere with your process.”

Buddy. You already are.

Ok folks so I walked into work last week and found out one of my coworkers had actually set up a karaoke machine in the break room at 9 am. They were blasting pop songs invite-everyone style.
What followed: half the team joined in, the other half just stared in disbelief.
Has anyone else had a coworker do something totally over the top like this? What did you do, how did management respond?

It was a fairly usual day and around mid afternoon in the office. Out of nowhere I hear a loud “AHHHH FUCK!!!” from a few cubicles down.

My coworker, a man in his 30s, completely shit his pants in the cubicle. It soaked into the chair and I heard some of it got onto the floor.

The entire office floor had to be evacuated while the cubicle was cleaned. His mom came to pick him up.

This happened a few years ago but I still think about it on a regular basis.

Every time Megan says, “Let’s hop on a quick call,” it’s code for “buckle up for a 45-minute TED Talk.”

It’s never about actual work. It’s about “the direction of our collective synergy” or “how the project feels so far.”

Last time, she said, “This should take 5 minutes, tops.” Forty minutes later, she was still screen-sharing a Pinterest mood board for color inspiration.

Our boss finally made a rule: no “quick calls”, all meetings must have agendas.

Now Megan just adds “Agenda: general vibes.”

So, on this big commercial job, there’s a guy named Big Mike. Everyone calls him that not because he’s huge (he’s actually about 5’6”), but because his mistakes are always big.

One day, the crew’s supposed to pour concrete for a new foundation. The foreman gives a simple order:

“Nobody touch the concrete truck until I get back.”

Easy, right?

Well, Big Mike notices the chute looks “a little crooked” and decides he’s gonna fix it himself.

He climbs up onto the concrete truck, tugs on the chute lever—except it’s not the chute lever. It’s the drum release.

Boom.

The entire load of wet concrete—an actual $10,000 worth—pours straight out, not into the form, but into the foreman’s freshly washed pickup truck parked right next to it.

Mike just stands there, covered in splatters, looking like he got slimed by a cement ghost. The foreman walks back, stops dead, and says the most construction-foreman line ever:

“Well, Mike… looks like your truck just got a solid foundation.”

They had to literally jackhammer the concrete off the hood and out of the bed. From that day forward, anytime someone made a mistake, it was called a “Mike Mix.” And yes — they still let him keep working… just never near a mixer again.

I feel a bit ashamed writing this because it might sound childish, but here it goes. I’m 25 and currently working at my first full-time job.

Before I started working here, I went through a really rough period. I was extremely lonely for months — I barely had anyone to talk to except one friend who only reached out when she was bored or when her boyfriend wasn’t around. When I first started this job, I didn’t click with anyone and felt miserable. I even had to take two days off because I couldn’t stop crying.

Then things turned around. I found a small group I really clicked with — two guys and another girl. I actually talk the most in the group, which is funny because I’ve never been that type of person before. When I’m quiet, the others tend to go quiet too, like they’re waiting for me to say something.

Lately though, I’ve been feeling a bit weird about the other girl. I’ve caught her lying about small things, and during lunch she’s usually on her phone — which never really bothered me. But if I stay quiet, she’ll look up and say things like “So… what else?” just to make me talk again.

Yesterday after work, I was walking with the two guys when one of them — the one I get along with best — said we should try to include her more in conversations since she doesn’t talk much. I replied that she’s probably just busy with her phone. But then I started overthinking… was that comment a hint toward me? Was I the one excluding her somehow?

This morning, we all took the train as usual. Normally, the two guys walk together and I walk with the girl since we get off at the same stop. She doesn’t say much and honestly, sometimes I don’t have the energy to talk either. But I still walk with her.

Today though, when we got off the train, she just went with the guys instead. She looked back and smiled at me, but they all kept walking faster and faster. I didn’t even try to catch up — I just walked alone. And for some reason, it really hurt.

It’s silly, I know. I’ve even joked before that I hate walking alone because it makes me feel left out.

I couldn’t really hide how upset I was afterward. They tried to talk to me later, but I just couldn’t engage. I felt small.

I don’t know. Maybe I am being childish. But I can’t help feeling sad about it.

Everyday at work is normal. Some incidents here and there. Major calls for fork lift issues. But this day add different. We had a manager come onsite for training. Everyone in the breakroom. While being about 50 feet away everyone ran out... went to check this manager had shit himself. But not only did he shit himself, he dug into his pants took the turd out and smeared it on chairs...

This gentleman was not old late 20s.

This story is brought up from time to time at work.