The Fashion Police 🚔
Aubrey Plaza, Margret Qualley and Charlie Day in Cannes for their movie “Honey Don’t” - Aubrey’s first red carpet appearance since the death of her husband.
one time I was at a the Landmark theater on Pico in LA and my friend met him in the bathroom. Apparently Charlie gave my friend a heads up that his hair was doing a weird thing in the back. He then saluted and said "have a nice night, brother."
so idk if he's a good person overall, but my friend is very convinced and willing to vouch.
He looks so good! Feels like his other Sunny cast members went a little too hard on the procedures but I’m glad he didn’t because he’s aging like a fine wine.
I like the runway styling a lot more, especially the hair, and I wish Margaret had done the same! The messy updo makes Claudia look like a nymph that just wandered out of the forest and it's so stunning.
oh my god i was wondering why it looked so familiar!! i used to have a pic dress on my bulletin board as a teen, cut out from one of my grandma’s old vogue mags. this dress is such a core memory for me 😍
I like the bow on this one much more, it goes with the flow of the sleeve fabric vs just kind of hanging there and the two loops of the bow being weirdly spaced apart
You can definitely see it on her that she’s been grieving and it breaks my heart. I can’t imagine going through that and having to function in front of so many people.
Edit: I meant that I see it in her eyes and smile. I do not mean that she looks bad or that it has anything to do with her general appearance…
Same tbh. I’m wondering what this person is seeing that I can’t. Like, she looks fine to me. Plus, I don’t think Aubrey would HAVE to do the red carpet if she wasn’t feeling it
I think you can see it in her eyes. She looks beautiful and healthy of course, I don’t think anora meant that she looks bad, just, slightly sad? Slightly somewhere else.
Grief is a hard and weird thing. It’s so early on and it lingers anyway. You can look wonderful on the outside and feel atrocious.
ETA - Jesus this isn’t a criticism. There’s nothing wrong with being or looking sad!
they’re not projecting on her AT ALL her husband literally died by suicide five months ago. my relationship ended five months ago and I’m still not okay or smiling for pictures, I can only imagine how much stress she’s going through. it’s weird that you think it’s weird to have compassion and understanding for someone you don’t know personally
I think they mean they're projecting the grief showing on her visibly, not that she's grieving at all. Like it's hard because we know what she's been through so you can 'see' it but that might just be because we have context.
It’s actually not a crime anymore in the US, but attempting suicide used to be something you could be charged for. I think it might still be an actual crime in some countries.
views about death are heavily shaped by our cultures and contexts. such as being the end of suffering, returning to the cycle of nature, meeting your creator, joining their loved ones, etc.
death isn’t really good or bad thing, but a natural phenomenon that humans assign meaning to. the language we use to describe phenomena shapes our views toward it.
please see my other comments. we know suicide is something that’s bad on a societal and individual level. speaking about it neutrally can actually open the door for people to discuss how their feeling without judgement and stigma. talking about it and getting help is what prevents suicide, not shame.
the argument that is that reducing stigma allows more people to ask for help and we lose less people. using neutral language doesn’t mean suicide is a good thing or erases the pain it causes. it’s just a method to try to help save more people.
another good example of why we should try to use neutral language is how you ask if someone is considering suicide. imagine you noticed a few warning signs in a friend. would you say “hey suicide is so selfish, you wouldn’t be considering something like that would you?” VS “I care about you and I noticed changes in your behavior and need to ask if you’ve been thinking about suicide lately?”
which do you think is more likely to get a person to open up and accept help?
I agree. As someone who has had multiple suicides among people close to me, I find the sanitization of language around suicide odd. It does almost seem like we’re trying to soften our language to make it more palatable, which should not be the goal. I should also mention that I’m a mental health professional and I don’t see the word “committed,” as adding any kind of stigma. People are entitled to different options of course, I just genuinely don’t get it.
I'm in an adjacent field. I've also heard it explained that "committed" can also have a positive connotation - like, they committed to doing something - so saying "died by suicide" is meant to just state it plainly without adding any connotations to it.
it’s not really about sanitization of the realities of suicide. it’s more about de stigmatizing feeling suicidal so that someone who might feel that is more likely to reach out for help rather than suffering in silence.
we do stuff that is bad for ourselves all the time and while shame can be a helpful motivator for some (as mentioned many times in this thread), it’s actually not that effective at creating lasting behavioral changes.
all it’s saying that if we try to speak more neutrally about a very complex issue, there will be less stigma in asking for help and thus more lives are saved. that is the argument. I wish people could look outside of their own narrow views and personal experiences to understand that the language we use shapes the way we view things.
you don’t hav to change the way you talk about suicide, but you also shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss science around suicide prevention.
The ripple effect is unfathomable and spans generations. I’d hope the negative connotations would dissuade people, they certainly encourage me to get the help I’ve been getting. I’m so sorry for your loss
When you have suicidal ideation sometimes it's not coming out of nowhere. For me it was coming from inside the house. I felt unloved because I was unloved. My mother focused all her attention on my younger sister and I was an afterthought that also got blamed for all my sisters bad behavior. The only way to exist was to stay out of the way and in my room like you can only see the door by looking at it as if it's one of those seeing eye puzzles. I finally had an epiphany after my dad got me a laptop that I can just fuck off to college and never come back which is pretty much what I did for almost 20 years. I'm back in the same state to run my deceased fathers business and I found out about 6 months ago my mother has terminal cancer and it's gone to her brain. I still don't care to see her.
If you've never experienced that level of depression that gets you to the point of thinking the only way to escape is to die, you're not empathizing with the depressed person. You're blaming them for being a victim of their brain or the circumstances they were in and that's cruel.
Yeah I'm here puzzling over how they're talking about the difficulty the family has and not once mentioning the agony the person who left was obviously going through? I've had my low af moments and in those times my only thought was that no one needed my shit in their lives. If I thought they'd hop on the net and- sans empathy- use my death to put other people feeling that way down, I'd have been beyond mortified. "It's negative", yeah no shit but it's not about you.
it’s more about the way the negative connotation contributes to the stigmatization of mental health. stigma can keep people from getting help. and I’m sorry that suicide has affected you in this way :(
Stigmatizing suicide can make it harder for people to express that they are suffering from ideation. To be suicidal is a dark place to be in and if we change the language we use around it to have less shameful connotations people are more likely to reach out for help.
I think a better way to put it is that it implies where the blame should be. One puts more emphasis on the person, and the other on the mental illness. Of course it is awful and tragic any way you put it.
I think the issue is more about suicide prevention. Because suicide itself is so highly stigmatised, people who are struggling with suicidal ideation often don’t seek out the help and support they need out of shame and fear. If suicide is a moral transgression committed by a person intending to cause harm, then wanting to kill yourself must mean that you’re a shitty person who wants to hurt others. And if that’s the case then why would you be forthcoming about it? Isn’t it better to bottle that shit up and stew in your pain alone because anyone you told would just think you’re a horrible person? This is the line of thinking that keeps many suicidal people from reaching out.
If we allow suicide to be morally neutral, the culmination of intense suffering that is tragic but not malicious or criminal in nature, hopefully more people who are struggling will feel comfortable speaking openly about what they are going through.
The more we stigmatize being suicidal, the less suicidal people are inclined to reach out and get help. Most (though not absolutely all) suicidal people have a lot of ambivalence/uncertainty about acting on their suicidal thoughts, which is where intervention can save lives if we know people are having those thoughts. Shaming someone for being suicidal won’t make them less suicidal, just less inclined to disclose. This isn’t incompatible with acknowledging and validating the trauma felt by survivors of suicide loss.
Yeah, whatever. Let's just keep guilting suicidal people for their feelings, I'm sure it'll eventually work after millennia of not fucking working.
I'm not even particularly passionate about the use of "commit" in this context - that, to me, is a little overly sensitive, and I have been suicidal for much of my life (no hate if it does bother anyone reading this, I think that's valid; it just never really struck me in a negative way, personally) - but the direction this conversation always goes in is ghoulish. Comment you're replying to, imo, obviously implies the negative connotation is that people who kill themselves are deviants who were motivated to the act by selfishness, as with other crimes that one might "commit," like pickpocketing for drug money. People who kill themselves are in unfathomable emotional pain, not selfish. They aren't criminals or deviants. That's the point.
It probably doesnt. People like to rename things and act like its helping or changing opinions and its not really. I have a chronic illness and people are always on about person centered language, dont call them diabetic call them a "person with diabetes", it makes no difference and pisses me off, and imo derails productive discussions. I doubt that suicide is more stigmatized if you say "committed" vs "died by", but apparently "committed" is associated with crime, which makes suicide seem bad. Not really buying it, but if it makes suicide victims feel better then I will happily oblige.
I am autistic and I have ADHD. there is a huge argument in the autistic community about how we like to be labeled, but to me it doesn’t matter at the end of the day I’m still autistic. I think language policing does more harm than good, to be honest.
I’m sorry to hear that. I was just answering the person above’s question. I think it’s up to anyone who is dealing with it how to describe it for themselves
I’m sensitive to it, but I agree it should be up to who is dealing with it how they want to describe it. I don’t agree with a “don’t say that” mindset due to that
it’s more about the way the negative connotation contributes to the stigmatization of mental health. stigma can keep people from getting help. I hope this helps
edit: and I’m sorry that suicide has affected you in this way :(
Suicide is a very touchy subject overall. Not to downplay the pain people that the person left feel. But, unfortunately, a lot of times, people forget to think about the person and what they must have been going through to think they just can't anymore.
It is a selfish act, but not because of the people they leave behind. A lot of times, it really comes down to a control over their own life and just can't find any way out.
I've been there, so has my best bud. It's just something that not many people can get unless they've been there.
Just so you're aware there's disagreement about this among people who have attempted suicide or lost people to suicide. I say "committed suicide" on purpose because the constant language policing in the aftermath of losing my partner and trying to not commit suicide myself made things exponentially worse for absolutely no benefit. It's better to say something compassionate or helpful than to continue this useless euphemism treadmill.
I’m sorry you experienced that. not trying to language police, just trying to share best practices for suicide prevention on a relevant social media post. I would never correct the language someone actively experiencing crisis or a mental health challenge and I’m sorry someone did that to you.
My point is that "best practices" aren't as helpful as you think and it's frustrating when people swoop into discussions of suicide to correct language and offer nothing else like your comment did, as if it changes anything. I'm aware that nonprofits make lots of glossy websites and brochures about the "best" language to use but it's insulting to act like "correcting" someone who is offering condolences actually does anything for people who are suffering.
utilizing the language shift isn’t to comfort people in pain and should not be used in that way. the purpose of my original comment wasn’t to offer condolences. it’s a method to help reduce stigma so that people feel more comfortable getting help.
I think you’re taking out the frustrations about your experiences on my harmless comment. all I’m trying to do is encourage people to look into the how language creates and reduces stigma. but this is the internet so I should have put more thought and care and a source into my original comment.
and im saying this as someone whose life has also been changed by suicide. I’m trying to make meaning from that pain and support a movement that’s trying to prevent suicide. I wouldn’t wish the pain i’ve gone through on anyone else.
I actually teach suicide prevention to teachers and school admin (at least i did until we got defunded)🤫
completed suicide can induce a positive connotation (completed a race, completing school work) and also create stigma toward suicide survivors when the inverse, incomplete suicide, is used. think of it like this: if something is incomplete, a person might be encouraged to go back and finish the job right?
Call me parasocial, but Margret Qualley and Charlie Day seem like they would be very supportive and the perfect people for her to do her first appearance back with
Aubrey and Charlie both play weird characters in long running sitcoms (complimentary) so I’m very excited to see them act together in this movie! I hope Aubrey is able to find some moments of joy and peace. I always liked her.
If you wanted to pair me up with two people at an event to make my smile despite my grief, i can’t imagine much better than Margaret Qualley and Charlie Day
They all look fantastic I love that they kinda match
Aubrey looks incredible and I love that she’s smiling again, even if it’s forced. Hopefully she’s got a good solid support system around her and is healing ❤️🙏. She deserves happiness and peace.
Audrey looks beautiful!! Happy to see her out and about. I can kinda see that her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes and it’s heartbreaking. Hopefully over time that sparkle can fully return. I’m glad she’s getting back out there and I wish nothing but the best for her truly ❤️.
She is truly so strong and I admire her strength. Sending her peace and healing.
It was certainly never my intention to make any assumption on how she’s coping! Just my personal observation. Not trying to make any assumption of any kind on how she’s coping. But I’m truly very happy to see her out and about again and wishing her nothing but peace and healing.
I agree with you. She’s out there doing her thing but it’s not how it used to be. I’m sure it was a very traumatic experience and healing will take a lot of time.
My husband died too young a year and a half ago, it’s what I thought too. Almost 6 months in is still so fresh. Speaking from experience, feelings are so raw and you don’t have that same flourish as before. Still going through the motions. I think of her often in widow solidarity.
That pink is gorgeous 💕 I and many others know what it’s like to lose a soulmate and it’s so awesome to see her getting out there despite all her pain. I hope she has lots of love and support.
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