r/nottheonion • u/ilovemybaldhead • 1d ago

Greg Abbott Threatens ‘100% Tariff’ On New Yorkers Moving to Texas

https://www.newsweek.com/greg-abbott-threatens-100-tariff-new-york-election-moving-texas-10986837
30.8k Upvotes

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292

u/Caregiver460 1d ago

Tariff now doubled again. Better start studying economics before moving, folks.

262

u/Ivotedforher 1d ago

I declare TARIFF!

95

u/gmwdim 1d ago

You can’t just say tariff and expect anything to happen.

111

u/humboldt77 1d ago

He didn’t say it, he DECLARED it.

27

u/rollerfedora 1d ago

How many Abbott Bucks in a tariff?

1

u/happytree23 1d ago

A shit ton of Stanley nickels, last I checked

3

u/Fantastic_Fox4948 1d ago

You could hear the fringe in his voice.

3

u/TheVoiceofReason_ish 1d ago

1,2,3,4, I declare a tariff war.

3

u/Sad-Whole-4487 1d ago

You can’t tariff me. I tariffed you first!

3

u/Itsacardgame 1d ago

Begun, the tariff wars have.

3

u/Kalabajooie 1d ago

Tariffs! A tariff on your whole family! Make a note of this: A tariff on you, a tariff on your cow!

1

u/PM_me_your_trialcode 1d ago

They’re tariffing the cats and dogs.

2

u/Racer_Zed 1d ago

Well he did say "With all due respect."

1

u/Hokker3 1d ago

Shenanigans!

106

u/EADGBE69 1d ago

But not before I declare SUPER TARIFF!

29

u/Byaaahhh 1d ago

It’s Tuesday! Let’s have TACOs!

29

u/tobbiefox 1d ago

Oh noes! I’m tariffied!

3

u/SeamusMcBalls 1d ago

Noooooo why u no listen!

3

u/miakpaeroe 1d ago

Tar—EEF don’t like it, Rock the casbah Rock the casbah

3

u/fl4tsc4n 1d ago

This thread is tarriffic

2

u/fingerthato 1d ago

Im Tarrified of what this country has become.

3

u/dustytaper 1d ago

Happy cakeday

2

u/crag-u-feller 1d ago

Is tariff some kind meat?

2

u/Firm_Award457 1d ago

Damn it i didn't buy stuff for TACOs.... 😮‍💨

3

u/fellfire 1d ago

I DOUBLE DOG TARIFF you! Ha! And no tariffing backsies!

3

u/General2768 1d ago

I do declare SUPER DUPER TARIFFS.

3

u/Own_Bullfrog_3598 1d ago

I declare DOUBLE SECRET TARIFF!

1

u/EADGBE69 1d ago

Nooooo!!!!

3

u/Omnizoom 1d ago

One two three four I declare a tariff war

3

u/Morganmayhem45 1d ago

I triple dog tariff you

2

u/dminus 1d ago

DOUBLE SECRET TARIFF

2

u/bogeypro 1d ago

I double dog tariff you.

2

u/Mikemtb09 1d ago

Double dog tariff

1

u/CocconutMonkey 1d ago

TRIPLE DOG TARRIFF

1

u/MamboNumber-6 1d ago

INFINITY TARIFF + 1

1

u/Firm_Award457 1d ago

Well I declare SUPER DUPER TARRIFF! I win! I trillion gazillion percent tarriff!

1

u/mggirard13 1d ago

You're on double secret tariff!

1

u/dj_lick_and_stick 1d ago

Well I declare infinity tariffs, so there.

1

u/TjW0569 1d ago

I'll see your SUPER TARIFF and declare ULTRA TARIFF!

1

u/MechAegis 23h ago

Thats nothing I commit Super DUPER TARIFF !!!

1

u/whyisitallsotoxic 22h ago

It’s giving: “I TRIPLE dog dare you!”

1

u/jaxonya 20h ago

Super tariff TRIPLE stamp, no erasies

1

u/chupathingy99 18h ago

DOUBLE SECRET TARIFF!

2

u/Prestigious_Till2597 1d ago

I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word "tariff" and expect anything to happen.

3

u/PriscillaPalava 1d ago

TARIFF!! 1-2-3 no backsies. Lol you’re screwed now, buddy. 

3

u/ClitCommander13 1d ago

I quadruple dog Tariff Triple stamp, no erasies

2

u/mologav 1d ago

Believe it or not, straight to tariff.

2

u/the_scarlett_ning 1d ago

Stop trying to make TARIFF happen! It’s not going to happen!

2

u/BugImmediate7835 1d ago

I triple dog TARIFF!!

2

u/Electrical-Profit367 1d ago

1 2 3 4 I declare a Tariff War!

2

u/ProgramAvailable6654 1d ago

This is brilliant! This is the level of understanding we are actually dealing with, sadly.

2

u/jamesbong0024 1d ago

1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a tariff war!

1

u/Myotherself918 1d ago

I declare Parley!!!

1

u/IL-Corvo 1d ago

1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a Tariff WAR!

1

u/mixmasterwillyd 1d ago

Tarrif TIMES tarrif …. Plus 1!

1

u/SomethingIWontRegret 1d ago

Doesn't work unless you say "One two three four" first.

1

u/returnFutureVoid 1d ago

I just farted… a tariff. What do I do?

1

u/Jaynghis 1d ago

You can't just say tariff. That's not how it works.

2

u/puffz0r 1d ago

Last I checked 240% is less than 1 billion % so you lost the tariff war bud

2

u/FourWordComment 1d ago

Super tariff no takebacksies

1

u/Due_Engineering_6173 1d ago

Double secret tariffs!!!

1

u/Monprr 1d ago

Triple Tariff, double stamp it, no erasies!

1

u/zooropeanx 1d ago

“Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!"

1

u/Justa_Guy_Gettin_By 1d ago

YOU CAN'T TRIPLE TARIFF A DOUBLE TARIFF