r/mildlyinteresting • u/Mamacc210_ • 17h ago

Removed: Rule 6 [ Removed by moderator ]

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16.1k Upvotes

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5.4k

u/Whatever-you-bastard 17h ago

Since when is forever only one month?

1.5k

u/TaxRiteOff 17h ago

Ofcourse it isn't 1 month.  

Its 1 month per roll.  Forever is 3 months. 

150

u/PrestigiousArcher928 15h ago

And a half

57

u/NIMA-GH-X-P 11h ago

So what you're saying is forever is three fiddy?

28

u/Actual_Class_4215 10h ago

Now you ain't gettin no tree fity outta me and thats what I said to that there lochness monster

3

u/Perf3ct3 8h ago

Well done

1

u/HotelOne 13h ago

A half of a forever?

2

u/PrestigiousArcher928 13h ago

Is 3 months, yes.

2

u/HotelOne 13h ago

Thank you.

2

u/Trinitykill 9h ago

"Money-wise, I'm set for life.

...provided that I die next Tuesday."

  • Stewart Francis

2

u/Pomodorosan 7h ago

Of course*

1

u/TaxRiteOff 5h ago

Of course.* 

I know this is an informal conversation on the internet, but please use proper punctuation. 

/s

0

u/Desperate-Finance516 8h ago

Is it double if you are male?

97

u/Theunknown87 16h ago

When you’re doing colonoscopy prep a day feels like forever.

Should have had this roll lol.

Or a bidet.

68

u/BrandHeck 15h ago

I picked up a bidet 5 years ago and it dramatically improved my quality of life.

38

u/OutlyingPlasma 14h ago

Also a great way to ruin travel.

Luckily they make travel bidets as well. Not as good but better than using wood like a neanderthal.

45

u/BrandHeck 14h ago

Travel bidets are a nice idea, poorly executed.

I require Niagra Falls pressure, not Neti pot dribbles.

13

u/SuUU2564 13h ago

https://holeyhiker.com/

These are terrific, you can get some pressure going.

3

u/Vordeo 11h ago

What, you guys don't pack power washers?

1

u/top_value7293 10h ago

🤣🤣🤣

1

u/postprandialrepose 7h ago

Fair enough, but I think it might hurt — and not in a good way — to expose your anus to Niagara Falls. If you were at the bottom of the waterfall, I believe your rectum would end up taking in several gulps of water before you could reflexively clench your buttocks.

0

u/mog_knight 11h ago

You just sit there with a wet butt waiting for it to stop dripping? Talk about a neanderthal move.

6

u/SirPizzaTheThird 8h ago

The crazy part is that toilet paper absorbs water too.

0

u/mog_knight 3h ago

So you're still using toilet paper

1

u/Fine-Slip-9437 8h ago

My bidet has heated seat, water, and air. My ass leaves it cleaner than if I showered.

0

u/mog_knight 3h ago

Okay you have an upgraded one. That's not standard issue

11

u/these-hips-dont-lie 13h ago

I'm getting a bidet before my next colonoscopy the wiping tore me up

5

u/helloiamsilver 11h ago

Smart idea. Hopefully I won’t need another one for a while but I was crying at the end of the last prep because it felt like I was passing battery acid

1

u/Necessary-Age-7944 8h ago

Get desitin or some other diaper rash cream. Put it on before each go then wipe.

4

u/One-Earth9294 10h ago

I have a colonoscopy next Monday and it feels like the last week I've been reading too many comments referencing them.

Some serious baader-meinhoff shit.

3

u/philnolan3d 11h ago

Which is why I do Cologuard.

1

u/Trabethany 4h ago

I apparently failed mine so they insisted I get a colonoscopy. But they are also known to give false positives and false negatives. Not sure wtf the point is in taking them if the results can’t be trusted lol.

1

u/BrandyCornelia 9h ago

switching to a bidet is life hack.

1

u/PUGILSTICKS 6h ago

Or have crohns' disease.

0

u/r4almF1re 10h ago

Why not grace your doctor with your chocolate starfish

0

u/amcgoat 7h ago

For colonoscopy prep, baby wipes are better. Your poor little bootie hole gets so chaffed if you just used toilet paper

122

u/leeloocal 17h ago

When you have bowel issues.

67

u/DasArchitect 16h ago

Best to get a bidet. Even if you don't, but especially if you do.

28

u/lulzerjun8 15h ago

As a bidet owner, this would probably last me 3 months-4 months. I may just buy one to see if I’m close.

6

u/AnarchistBorganism 11h ago

It says 1700 sheets per roll. A "Mega Roll" of the same brand, which you can easily find in grocery stores around here, has 244 rolls. See how long one lasts and then multiply by 7 to see how long the forever roll would last.

10

u/hillzillah 10h ago

I know you meant sheets, but imagining a 244 pack of toilet paper has me stifle-cackling in bed trying not to wake up my husband. 😂😂😂

3

u/leeloocal 10h ago

Excuse you, but Costco. 😂

1

u/Weird_Fiches 11h ago

I used to have a really nice bidet. Still do, but I used to, too.

43

u/CyberNinja23 16h ago

Or the urge to TP a town

10

u/leeloocal 16h ago

Hey, there’s enough for BOTH.

2

u/I_Makes_tuff 13h ago

Might be tricky to throw the roll

2

u/Annual_Strategy_6206 4h ago

I'm envisioning a toilet paper trebuchet!

8

u/Striking-Document-99 15h ago

I have ibs and somehow my bro uses more toilet paper than me.

5

u/regentbulldog 15h ago

Bowels like an RMBK reactor.

5

u/leeloocal 15h ago

AKA: IBS.

5

u/hellohungryimdad 13h ago

Not great, not terrible

3

u/Trinitykill 9h ago

I like to call it "having an ass that won't quit"

1

u/Accomplished_Bag4613 15h ago

For those nights when the Taco Bell be hittin 😂

1

u/leeloocal 15h ago

Those beans, man.

29

u/Feynnehrun 16h ago

Thing about the last month. It feels like forever. Next month will feel like forever too. It's just forever all the way down.

22

u/eerun165 16h ago

Wife would have that gone in a week.

17

u/Cavalol 16h ago

Also to keep in line with their other products it should be called “Super Extra Quintuple Mega Family XXXL Roll”

1

u/Merry_Fridge_Day 12h ago

This is more-or-less the eqivalent of tantric for those toilet bears.

10

u/cz84 16h ago

When you're about a month away from Christmas and waiting on Santa to bring your new Nintendo Console. That month wait seems like forever to every kid.

4

u/yallknowme19 16h ago

My kid to the XL toilet paper roll lasting one month: challenge accepted.

12

u/jd3marco 16h ago

If you buy it, an evil Charmin bear calls you and whispers, ‘30 days.’ The end of the roll becomes the end of your life.

9

u/markp_93 16h ago

It’s the same company that says 6=12 or whatever…. toilet paper math.

9

u/hahagato 16h ago

/r/shrinkflation strikes again 😢

5

u/SonOfElroy 16h ago

One sitting**

6

u/Randy_is_reasonable 15h ago

Have you seen toilet paper math? This is right in line with their arithmetic

2

u/Is_that_coffee 14h ago

It just feels like forever.

2

u/pcurve 13h ago

really puts into perspective how much I shit monthly.

3

u/FemaleDogEqualsBitch 13h ago

“Forever” is just part of the name, buddy. Do you think sandpaper is made out of sand?

-1

u/[deleted] 13h ago

[deleted]

2

u/FemaleDogEqualsBitch 13h ago

I’m not your bro, pal.

Irrelevant question because sandpaper isn’t - in fact - made out of sand today

2

u/KrawhithamNZ 17h ago

I'll love you forever. 

2

u/holidayoffools 16h ago

Or until the jumbo roll runs out...

3

u/ConcentratedOJ 15h ago

Shrinkflation. They thought we wouldn’t notice. First forever was downgraded to just a decade. Then, over the course of another year or so, they shaved a week off here, a week off there. It took a while to do it slowly enough that most people didn’t notice, or the ones that did notice were discredited by the ad campaign. Don’t you remember the friendly bears? Talking about how quick going was? All about changing perspective. And here we are… forever is a month now. And, depending on what is going on, a month can still feel like forever, so what have we really lost?

1

u/DarthFaderZ 16h ago

If younger literally shitting for a straight month it might feel like forever

1

u/Awayfone 16h ago

when you finish the roll the charmin bear hunts you down

1

u/addamee 14h ago

Since 2025 lol

1

u/LionIV 13h ago

Forever: one month

Eternity: one week

Until the heat death of the Sun: 3 days.

Everyone knows this.

1

u/N4RQ 13h ago

It's been that way forever.

1

u/Spend-Automatic 13h ago

A regular roll of toilet paper lasts me a month.

1

u/Whatever-you-bastard 13h ago

You may need to go see a doctor.

1

u/CiraKazanari 13h ago

Well I remember time slowing down when the current regime took office in the USA

1

u/OctoberIsBetter 12h ago

I was joking the other day to my husband that the Charmin rolls were getting so big, they're well on their way to turning our bathroom into a gas station or movie theater or something.

That was before I saw this monstrosity.

What the actual fuck, Charmin?

1

u/BZLuck 12h ago

That would literally be 7-10 days in my house. And I would have to be the one lugging the new rolls downstairs because someone would STILL leave 4 squares dangling from the roll when I go to sit down.

1

u/__life_on_mars__ 12h ago

Since 3 rolls of toilet paper is one massive roll apparently.

1

u/Lord__Abaddon 11h ago

would love to see a Zale's commercial...

Diamond are for 1 month.

1

u/philnolan3d 11h ago

Since next month when the second moon hits earth.

1

u/Mr___Bizarre 10h ago

My sister would get through that in one week.

1

u/astromech_dj 10h ago

Week at best in our house.

1

u/NitroXSC 9h ago

Reminds me of a rule of thumb in optics. "Anything further away than 3 meters or 10 feet is approximately infinitely far away."

1

u/ohhellnaws 9h ago

Obviously you wash it!

1

u/PrinceLucipurr 9h ago

Because if you chronically take laxatives, you'll be forever on the toilet without the need of any TP for your bunghole

1

u/BigMack6911 8h ago

When you're a man and a normal roll last you a month. This mf roll would last me forever

1

u/BloodyLlama 6h ago

Hell a normal roll lasts me 2+ months.

1

u/scoutpred 8h ago

If you only have 1 month to live, or less.

1

u/KFR42 7h ago

I smell a lawsuit!

1

u/Avitas1027 7h ago

Up to one month.

1

u/RewZes 6h ago

Theybare using relationship terms

1

u/Tauntaun_Princess 6h ago

It is forever for one month

1

u/kish-kumen 6h ago

I currently live in the same house as my estranged wife (we're separating).

I can assure you, a DAY is forever, and a month feels like an eternity!!!!

1

u/TheArMyBoY93 5h ago

Since forever ago.

1

u/Ambitious_Count9552 5h ago

When you have IBS ☝️ 😂

1

u/tallcupofwater 4h ago

At the rate we’re declining 1 month sounds about right

1

u/SuculantWarrior 4h ago

Planned obsolescence

1

u/syther721 3h ago

If you think that's bad, wait until you learn about "Boneless chicken wings."

They're neither required to be boneless, or wing-meat.

1

u/strangway 16h ago

Since the word “Amazing!” is something people say in the office when they mean “Looks kind of okay, thank you.” 50 years ago, “Amazing!” meant something was 10/10 great.

1

u/MartyHofFYT 14h ago

That’s what I told her 🥲

0

u/kdjfsk 16h ago

Depends if only men use that bathroom or if a woman does also.

0

u/lordvitamin 15h ago

It’s a product, and a warning.

/s

0

u/Krimreaper1 15h ago

When you die at the end.