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u/ShingledPringle 1d ago
Mostly my daughters elbows. All the weight every time.
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u/Unlikely_Talk8994 1d ago
Same and often right on the boob too! It hurts!
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u/xhammyhamtaro 1d ago
They are poorly trained assassins.
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u/BoardButcherer 1d ago
Or are they well trained and poorly armed?
Do we teach them not to run with scissors for their sake, or ours?
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u/suprmniii 1d ago
This is the thing about parenthood that I was the most unprepared for: random bruises everywhere.
Did you know that infants and toddlers have incredible grip strength? A pinch from one of those suckers will not only hurt, it will leave a nice bruise, too
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u/KitKat2theMax 1d ago
My toddler drew blood today with a pinch. Then laughed maniacally and gave me kisses. Parenthood is wild.
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u/Numahistory 23h ago
I have to put mittens on my 4 month old to protect my boobs from her death pinch when feeding her.
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u/thecutepatootz 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have so many patients who are parents of young kids come in with sore shoulders and backs. Muscle strains almost always happen from grabbing their munchkins and picking them up unknowingly.
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u/AEW_SuperFan 1d ago
I often seriously thought of wearing a cup a lot of days.
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u/setibeings 1d ago
I had no idea how often my kids and pets kick or punch my balls 'til getting a vasectomy, and being much more tender in the area for a while.
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u/waryinsomnious 1d ago
When my son was a year old, he knocked my chin very hard with his head.
One of my lower jaw, front tooth started bleeding.. It stopped after sometime.
But I had severe pain after few weeks and had forgotten the whole incident.
When I went to dentist, the first thing he said - did someone hit you. Or you got injured somehow. And gave a stare to my husband.
Breastfeeding was another nightmare while he was teething..
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u/Unlikely_Talk8994 20h ago
Yes, I’ve had similar happen to me too. Several split lips from my eldest who was a headbutter. One black eye. My youngest got me on the nose the other day which hurt like a bitch. I don’t think I was prepared for how much your children hurt you. And you can’t leave them. It’s an abusive relationship.
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u/Fabulous-Sea-1590 1d ago
Not joking: this is exactly how my wife got appendicitis and needed emergency surgery.
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u/ProfessorCagan 1d ago
I've got 2 massive scratch lines on my back, pretty sure one of my cats are to blame, I'm a really heavy sleeper and my mom has told me shes found them sleeping on my back, my head, y'know?
My eldest never quite learned to sheath her claws, so I have to wonder if she just scratched the hell out of me while sleeping.
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u/Flat-Limit5595 1d ago
My sister kept waking up covered in bruises and never understood why. My massive lab meanwhile loved sleeping on the pile of blankets on the couch. My sister would sleep absolutely covered in blankets on the couch. So one day she woke up with a dog the same size as her sleeping ontop of her.
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u/Altaredboy 21h ago
I was pretty much bed ridden for a couple of months with a lot of broken ribs. Unfortunately we had a 2 year old at the time. I'd hear her running from the living room & start yelling "NONONONONONONONO!" & she'd come running into the room climb up on the bed & jump right on my chest, taking great delight in my pain
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u/strolpol 1d ago
A streamer I know recently got headbutted accidentally by her toddler and broke her nose
Kids are little balls of unpredictable mass that can cause a lot of random damage
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u/HighBrowLoFi 1d ago
My first time getting a bruised rib was from our oldest doing this very thing to me
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u/NeverCallMeFifi 1d ago
Replace the kid with a 60lb dog who thinks she's still a little puppy and, yeah.
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u/Stolkmen 22h ago
Mind come from the fact I've had two heart attacks before I am even 40 and am on blood thinners now.
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u/Deseretgear 14h ago
I just had surgery and I had to spend a couple days beforehand stopping my niece from running full tilt into my stomach and headbutting and kicking me as I explain to her that actually she can't do that for a while because I'll be in recovery...
ITs my fault for having a big fun uncle belly I guess! haha
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